In this issue, we take a break from the “Helping your child excel in the 21st century” series to bring to you some practical tips to develop a positive learning environment for your child and inject joy into his/her learning. Parents may find these tips useful while planning activities for the upcoming school holidays or preparing for the new school term.
Before we discuss the guiding principles for crafting a positive learning environment, it is important to understand the power of words. What you say to your child and how you say it is critical in creating a positive learning environment for him/her and allow your child to maximise their learning potential. For this week’s entry, we will be focusing on the use of communication to create a positive learning environment.
Take a moment to reflect on the times when you were a student – how did your parents and teachers talk to you? What kind of words did they use and what were their tones? Did that make you feel motivated or insecure, and even angry? As parents, it is critical to understand that your words would shape your child’s learning. According to research by renowned developmental psychologist, Vygotsky, words can affect your child’s learning in the following ways:
a) Affecting a child’s sense of identity: imagine how a child would feel if he really likes singing and a parent, instead of offering praises and encourage, asks the child why he is so noisy and wasting his time on singing and not on his maths homework
b) Helping a child understand how he/she is doing: naming a specific attribute could actually help your child develop his/her interests or talents. For instance, if he/she drew a very nice picture, you may want to encourage him/her by specifically naming an attribute that really attracted you – for instance, you can praise him/her on the vivid colour combinations
c) Influencing parents’ relationship with a child: To a child who has just quarreled with his cousin, one can say “stop quarrelling with your cousin or I will punish you” or one can ask “I saw you quarrelling with your cousin. Can you let me know what had happened?” The latter would build a trusting parent-child relationship versus the former, which is one based on threats.
Five Guiding Principles for Positive Communications
How then can you ensure that your words support your child’s learning and create a positive environment? There are several guiding principles that can help you:
a) Using a kind, straightforward tone and be direct: It is important to say what one mean, but in a kind tone. Avoid sarcasm or indirect comparison to win compliance. Sarcastic language like, “ which part of sitting down and keeping quiet don’t you understand” will embarrass a child and create mistrust and resentment. Instead, you can be firm and just tell the child to sit down so that everyone in the family can enjoy the show together.
b) Focusing on actions: Focusing on action will point towards desired behaviours rather than attitude or character. This is especially important for young children, who tend to be concrete thinkers and may not be able to understand abstractions. An example of an abstraction you may want to avoid is to tell your child to be respectful. Instead, ask him/her to treat others with kindness by helping their friends when they fall down or carrying shopping bags for their grandparents.
c) Keeping it brief: Young children find it hard to follow long sentences. More often than not, before you finish your long sentences, your child will be thinking about other things and have lost focus. Thus, it is important to speak in shorter sentences to allow your child to absorb and understand what you are saying and expecting.
d) Using silence: Using silence after asking your child questions could actually help him/her craft a more thoughtful response. While a 3 second pause may seem very long, it allows an open space for your child to think, rehearse what to say, and can solicit a higher quality response. This also teaches your child that a true listener will attempt to understand the other party’s questions, before formulating a better response.
e) Expressing confidence in your child: If a parent is able to demonstrate faith and confidence in the child, he/she will be more likely to live up to the parent’s expectations. Spare no effort to notice and comment on positive behaviour in a calm tone. Be specific in your observations, such that it will provide hard evidence on why your child should believe in himself/herself.
Look out for our next entry in a fortnight’s time, where we will be sharing with parents, ten tips for encouraging joyful learning in their children.
By Ms Angeline Tong and Ms Brenda Yeow
About HandsonLearning
- HandsonLearning Strategies
- HandsonLearning is a leading education consultancy specialising in inquiry-based experiential learning. Founded by Harvard trained specialists, we have in-depth experience working with educators both in Singapore and the United States, providing end-to-end services from concept and curriculum development to training and evaluation to assist education institutions, teachers and parents create enriching learning journeys for all learners. Our education partners include the Asian Civilisations Museum, the National Museum of Singapore, the Peranakan Museum, the Singapore Discovery Centre and the Singapore Science Centre. Last but not least, we are a pro-children organisation!!